Let’s be real—some leaders shouldn’t be leading a lunch line, let alone a team.
But here you are, clocking in under the reign of chaos, wondering if it’s you or if everyone else is just pretending this is normal. (Spoiler: it’s not you.) Still, bills exist, timing isn’t right, and you’re not quite ready for your dramatic resignation speech—yet.

So what do you do when quitting isn’t on the table, but your mental health is hanging by a paperclip?

Buckle up. Here are 5 survival tips for navigating dysfunctional leadership with your wit intact and your eye on the escape hatch.

1. Channel Your Inner Spy (Not Snitch)
Keep receipts. Screenshot what matters. Log the inconsistencies. You’re not being paranoid—you’re being strategic. If gaslighting was an Olympic sport, your leader would medal. So, document like your future self will thank you during the “exit interview of truth.”

2. Master the Art of the Neutral Face
You know the one—just enough nodding to seem agreeable, but dead behind the eyes. Perfect for when your boss is explaining how “we’re like family” right before doubling your workload without a raise. It’s less about being fake, more about preserving your paycheck and peace.

3. Create a Mental Escape Hatch
Whether it’s fantasizing about quitting with a mic drop or planning your side hustle during lunch, never stop scheming your exit strategy. That spreadsheet titled “Q2 Initiatives”? Actually your business plan in disguise. Let delusion be your emotional support animal.

4. Build Your Mafia (The Good Kind)
Find the others. Every dysfunctional leader leaves a trail of survivors. Quietly form alliances with those who “get it.” Sometimes venting with your work BFF in code across Teams is the only thing between you and a full corporate meltdown.

5. Stop Trying to Fix Them
Repeat after me: “I am not the Dysfunctional Whisperer.” You cannot teach self-awareness to someone who thinks “accountability” is a four-letter word. Your job is not to parent your boss—it’s to protect your energy, do what you must, and plan your glow-up.

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💥 Bonus Tip: When you do escape, throw yourself a party, burn some sage, and proudly wear that imaginary “I Survived the Clueless C-Suite” badge. You earned it.