“I’m Not Rude, I’m Just Direct” – A Leadership Guide to IRR & Communication Clarity

Written By Cari Borden

🪞Opening Hook:
Ever been told “you’re too blunt” when all you thought you were doing was being clear? Or felt steamrolled by someone who “meant well” but left you feeling dismissed? Welcome to the land of direct vs. rude—where tone, style, and intent often clash. Let’s break it down before your next meeting turns into a miscommunication mess.

🔍 Step One: Identify – What’s Your Style?

Your communication style is shaped by your leadership quadrant (Strategist, Architect, Executor, or Connector).

Ask yourself:

Do you prioritize efficiency over diplomacy?
Are you solution-driven and speak in bullet points?
Do you default to “get to the point” in conversations?

⚠️ If yes, you’re likely perceived as direct, but in the wrong emotional setting, it can land as rude.

👀 Step Two: Recognize – The Trigger Words

Certain phrases hit like a slap when not delivered with emotional intelligence. Here are a few red flags:

“Obviously…” → dismissive
“That’s not my problem…” → confrontational
“Like I said…” → condescending
“You should’ve known…” → accusatory

💡 Recognize your style AND how others may receive your words. Emotional intelligence bridges the gap.

🛠️ Step Three: Resolve – IRR Your Way Out

Use the IRR method to reset the tone and intention:

Identify the moment your message missed the mark.
Recognize how your style may have overshadowed your intent.
Resolve by rewinding the conversation: “Let me rephrase. My goal is to move us forward, not shut anyone down.”

🧭 Resolution isn’t just about apology, it’s about clarity, context, and connection.

🧠 Pro Tip: Tailor to Their Style

Great communicators pivot based on the room. If you’re a direct Strategist leading a sensitive Connector, soften the delivery.

Instead of:

“This isn’t working.”
Try:
“Let’s look at what’s getting in our way and see what we can shift.”

💬 Final Thought:

Direct isn’t rude. But unfiltered directness without empathy often feels like an emotional hit-and-run. Great leaders know their style and respect others’ emotional pace. Learn it. Use it. Lead boldly.

📣 CTA:

Think you’re being misunderstood at work? Or want to decode your communication style? Take the Leadership Style Assessment and connect with me on Fiverr to sharpen your EQ and leadership impact.