Managing Up: Coaching Without Overstepping (or Getting Fired)

Written By Cari Borden

Let’s be real, there’s a fine line between coaching up and career suicide.
You want to speak up but not get smacked down. You want to add value but not seem like you’re coming for their job. And most of all… you want to survive the conversation with your dignity (and employment) intact.

This post is your how-to guide for walking that tightrope like a boss.

🛠 What Managing Up Actually Means

Spoiler alert: It’s not brown-nosing.
It’s not manipulation.
It’s not printing out TED Talk quotes and sliding them across your boss’s desk.

Managing up means understanding your leader’s communication style, pressure points, and blind spots, and then building a bridge, not a power struggle.

🎯 3 Golden Rules of Coaching Without Overstepping

1. Align Before You Advise
Frame feedback around shared goals.

“I know we’re all trying to hit this client deadline, here’s something I think could help us get there faster.”

2. Choose Timing Like It’s a Chess Move
Right after a heated meeting? Wrong time.
In a calm 1:1? Much better.
Bonus tip: Always ask if they’re open to feedback before launching into it.

3. Package It With Tact + Purpose
You’re not “correcting” them. You’re offering insight.

“Would you be open to hearing how the team’s perceiving this shift?”
Not: “This change is a mess, and no one knows what’s happening.”

🚫 What Not to Do

Don’t ambush them with a feedback dump
Don’t assume your perception is the only truth
Don’t forget tone > content
Don’t quote company values back at them like a courtroom drama

💬 Language to Use (and Avoid)

Use:
✅ “What I’m seeing is…”
✅ “Could we explore an alternate approach?”
✅ “Would it be helpful to hear how this is landing across the team?”

Avoid:
❌ “This isn’t working.”
❌ “Everyone’s complaining about your decision.”
❌ “I think you’re wrong.”

💡 Want to Know Your Leadership Language?

Take the Leadership Style Quiz and find out how your style influences your approach to managing up.
(Spoiler: A Diplomat won’t sound like a Challenger. And that’s a good thing.)

📣 Call to Action:

If you’re dancing around a difficult boss convo and unsure how to make a move, let’s strategize together.
I’ll help you script it, prep for it, and walk into that room like you own the conversation (without owning the office).
👊 Find me on Fiverr – Leadership Coaching Without the Firestorm

Share it. Bookmark it. Survive it.
Part 3’s coming soon.