We Don’t Need More Heroes—We Need Humans

Written by Cari Borden

“Hero” Culture Is Exhausting (And Not In a Cute Way)

Somewhere along the way, we quietly decided that “good leadership” meant being a hero:

The leader who always steps in.
The one who takes everything on.
The one who never says, “I don’t know,” “I’m not okay,” or “I need help.”

Sounds noble. It also sounds like:

Burnout.
Anxiety.
Resentment.
A team walking on eggshells, because the bar is “do everything, perfectly, with a smile.”

We’ve glamorized leaders who “save the day” so often that we’ve normalized days that always need saving.

Here’s the quiet truth most people won’t say out loud:

“If your workplace needs constant heroes, the actual problem is the system, not the people.”

The cape looks impressive in the all-hands meeting.
It looks a lot less cute at 1:17 a.m. when you’re answering “just one more” email you never should’ve been sent in the first place.

We don’t need more heroes.
We need more humans who know how to lead without losing themselves.

The Hidden Cost of Workplace Heroes

Hero culture doesn’t just hurt the leader; it quietly warps the entire system.

1. Heroes create dependency instead of capability

When there’s always one person who “fixes it,” everyone else learns a dangerous habit: wait for the hero.

Teams stop experimenting.
People avoid tough conversations.
Decisions get escalated that never should have left the front line.

Suddenly, we’re not building leaders.
We’re building learned helplessness with a side of burnout.

“If everything has to go through you, it stops being leadership and starts being a bottleneck with a title.”

2. Heroes hide organizational problems

High performers can unintentionally become band-aids on structural wounds.

Staffing gaps? “Oh, Susan always picks up extra.”
Broken processes? “Just send it to Mark, he knows the workaround.”
Toxic behavior? “Let’s send them to that manager who’s good with difficult people.”

The problem isn’t solved. It’s absorbed by a human being.
And absorbed.
And absorbed.
Until that human eventually breaks.

Hero leaders make it shockingly easy for organizations not to change. Why fix the leak when someone keeps mopping?

3. Heroes normalize self-neglect

When leaders constantly:

Skip breaks
Work weekends
Answer messages at all hours
Say “yes” when their entire nervous system is screaming “no”

They’re not just hurting themselves; they’re sending a message:

“This is what success looks like here.”

And then we wonder why:

People feel guilty taking PTO.
New leaders copy the worst habits instead of the healthiest ones.
Teams feel like rest has to be earned with suffering.

Hero culture teaches people that self-abandonment is professional.
Human leadership teaches people that self-respect is non-negotiable.

Why Humans Beat Heroes Every Time

So what does it look like to be a human instead of a hero?

Spoiler: it’s not weakness. It’s actually where your real power is.

Humans are honest about their limits

A hero says:

“I’ll figure it out. Don’t worry about me.”

A human says:

“I can do A and B this week. If we also need C, we’ll have to shift something.”

One looks impressive.
The other builds trust.

When leaders model realistic capacity, boundaries, and trade-offs, it gives everyone else permission to:

Speak up earlier
Ask for help
Push back on unrealistic expectations

That’s not negativity. That’s emotional maturity.

Humans create safety, not fear

Hero leaders often don’t mean to, but they can make others afraid to fail.

If the standard is “always right, always strong, always in control,” then:

Who’s going to admit a mistake?
Who’s going to raise their hand and say, “I need training”?
Who’s going to say, “This goal is not achievable with what we have”?

A human leader says things like:

“I dropped the ball on this one.”
“Let’s walk through what we learned, not who we can blame.”
“You’re not in trouble. We’re troubleshooting.”

“Heroes perform. Humans connect. Teams don’t need a performance; they need connection.”

Humans build shared responsibility

The hero carries the weight.
The human distributes it.

Human leadership sounds like:

“What parts of this can you own?”
“Let’s build a process so this doesn’t live in just one person’s head.”
“Who else needs to be empowered here so this doesn’t fall on one person every time?”

The goal isn’t to prove how much you can hold.
The goal is to prove how much your team can hold, healthily, safely, and sustainably.

So How Do We Lead More Human (and Less Superhero)?

Here are some practical shifts you can start this week, without needing a cape or a TED Talk invite.

1. Trade fixing for listening

When someone comes to you with a problem, instead of instantly diving into solution mode, try:

“What have you already tried?”
“What do you think might work here?”
“What would support look like from me?”

You’re not just solving this problem; you’re building their problem-solving muscle.

“Every time you resist the urge to fix it all, you’re quietly building another leader.”

2. Trade perfection for presence

You don’t need the perfect speech, the perfect plan, or the perfect response. You need to be there. Fully.

Try:

Putting your phone face down during 1:1s.
Saying, “Give me a minute to think about that,” instead of scrambling for a polished answer.
Admitting, “I’m not at my best today, but I’m here and I’m listening.”

Presence builds more trust than polished speeches ever will.

3. Trade martyrdom for modeling

If you keep saying “take care of yourself” while you run on fumes, people will believe your calendar, not your words.

Model things like:

Actually taking your PTO (and not checking in).
Saying, “I’m logging off now; I’ll pick this up tomorrow.”
Setting email boundaries like, “I respond within 24 business hours.”

This isn’t selfish. It’s instructional. You’re teaching your team how to protect their own humanity, too.

4. Trade secrecy for transparency

Human leaders don’t overshare every detail, but they also don’t hide everything behind closed doors.

You can say:

“Here’s what I know and here’s what I don’t.”
“This change is coming, and while we don’t have every answer, here’s what we’re doing to support you through it.”
“I can’t promise this will be painless, but I can promise I’ll be honest with you.”

Trust doesn’t require perfection.
Trust requires consistency and clarity.

5. Trade solo heroics for shared agreements

If you’re the default firefighter, start turning recurring rescues into shared agreements.

Ask:

“What needs to be different so this doesn’t always become an emergency?”
“Where is this process fragile, and who needs training or tools?”
“What’s our standard going forward so everyone knows the expectation?”

Bring your team into the solution so it’s ours, not yours.

For the Leaders Who Quietly Feel Like They’re Drowning

If you’ve been the go-to fixer, the emotional shock absorber, the unofficial therapist, the person who “always comes through”…

I see you.

This isn’t about shaming you for being good at what you do.
It’s about giving you permission to stop bleeding for systems that refuse to heal.

Here’s the truth you’re allowed to believe now:

You are not a failure if you set boundaries.
You are not disloyal if you tell the truth about what’s broken.
You are not “too emotional” for wanting a workplace where humans can actually be… human.

“We don’t need more heroes burning out in silence. We need humans who are brave enough to stay whole.”

The bravest thing you may do as a leader is not “push through.”
It might be:

Saying “no” to one more unreasonable ask.
Saying “yes” to therapy, coaching, or a mental health day.
Admitting, “I can’t keep leading like this, and I don’t want my team to, either.”

Bringing It Back to Trust

At the heart of all of this is trust.

Human leadership says:

“You can trust me to tell you the truth.”
“You can trust me not to sacrifice you for a number.”
“You can trust me to protect my humanity so I don’t accidentally dehumanize you.”

When leaders stop trying to be heroes and start standing in their humanity, something shifts:

Conversations get more honest.
Expectations get clearer.
Boundaries get healthier.
And suddenly “high performance” doesn’t mean “quiet suffering”, it means aligned, supported, sustainable work.

That’s the culture people stay for.
That’s the culture people grow in.
That’s the culture people talk about when they say, “I’ve never had a leader like that before.”

A Closing Thought You Can Steal and Quote

If you want something short and quotable to throw on a slide, a post, or a sticky note, here you go:

“If your leadership requires you to be a hero, it’s not leadership, it’s a warning sign.”

Or:

“You don’t have to save the whole building. You just have to be honest in the room you’re in.”

Or:

“We don’t need capes in leadership. We need nervous systems regulated enough to tell the truth.”

Pick the one that hits and run with it.